My computer is on and I think how to begin.
The page remains blank and I am still thinking.
My heart is empty and so is my house.
I walk out of my house and I see the familiar
Phuentsholing. People stream by me and I hear them talk.
The streets are crowded and yet
I am lonely. The streets feel as empty as my house-
As lonely as my house, as lonely as my as heart,
As lonely as my life. I have been physically lonely
For over one year, but emotionally lonely
For times I have not counted, four years? Five years?
Well, it’s not like I don’t like solitude,
I do. I value it so much so that sometimes I am desperate for it.
Crusoe must have felt like me, the difference is
He was lonely because he was alone, but I am
Lonely even among hundreds of live souls
And I am like a walking corpse, moving around senseless,
Only if someone stopped to notice the loneliness on my face
And the almost dying smile, and still it is a smile,
Better than the blankness of everyone’s face. I look for something
In the crowd but I don’t find anything. I want to talk to someone.
Words are lesser; where is my inspiration?
I wonder how Homer evoked the muses, Standing on the beach of the
Aegean Sea; before writing the ILIAD,
‘Cause I can’t and don’t know how to.
Milton must have sat blind and called on the muses to help him
Remember Adam and Eve; he did and created a masterpiece.
I am neither Milton nor Homer; I am not them but I am a poet in my own right.
They might have stood alone in their places, like I do in the crowd;
I am not writing an epic on the Trojan War or human creation,
I am writing about my loneliness, the loneliness I felt yester evening:
(It’s already past 1 in the morning now.) Yet the muses don’t come to me.
I smiled at someone but I didn’t get a smile in return
Still I smile at anyone who passes by me.
They need my smile as I need theirs to help me get through
This lonely life. Smiles or no smiles life goes on
As mine did. I am lonely sometimes but I am not sometimes.
So I look at the times when I am not: life goes on.
I love it. Crowd will come and go,
so will smiles. Yes! Someone noticed my smiles and
returned it. See there are people like me out there;
different though. We yearn for the same things:
A simple smile and our day are made. Muses or no
Muses I am done with my poem. I still smile at people and
They will smile back at me as I walk a lonely road;
It will help me keep me on the right way. Maybe
We will all find our ways back to the lives we all want to live.
A life of solitude and a full life; fully lived with no grievances.